About death

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 When we exist, 
 death is not yet present, 
 when death is there, 
 we do not exist. 
 Epicurus

The first meeting of the future of the doctor with the death occurs in the first year of the medical faculty. When studying anatomy. Everything is less terrible than expected. Hands, feet. Shriveled, grey, not like living parts of the human body. Smells muffled by formalin. Gradually you get used to other organs of the body and suddenly notice that the expected fear no corpse.
And not because he is afraid of. It is hard to see death, to see how people die. It happens later, in the third year. And then it accompanies all medical life.
Death is different. When dying of chronic incurable patient, medical experience as it prepares to serious outcome. Understand the inevitable. But this does not immune to death. Proof that he doctors do not develop, are those painful experiences that occur when the sudden death of patients. Or, when in spite of all, feel his powerlessness, helplessness medicine. There are death that you carry through life.
... In a hospital they came together as husband, wife, child. Patients had a husband, a young man 22-23 years. D. recently demobilized, he served in the Navy. Was healthy, two months I started to feel the lack of air, especially at night. He considered that "this is nervous." In the hospital, when it became bad, received Valerian tincture. It seemed reinforced the concept of "nervousness". Began testing. Wednesday was the day of the "big crawl to the house became head of the Department, followed by 10-12 doctors. The impressive procession. Patient Days lying on the fifth bed. Approaching first, we noticed that D. particularly restless. To the question, what with him, he replied that he suddenly felt the lack of air. I tried to calm him down, but suddenly noticed that D. had blue lips, widened pupils, were terrified.
Managed to shout sister: "Urgent strofantin! Warm!"
The berths Etc. were all doctors. The patient's condition was getting worse with every second. He grabbed my hand and panting, shouted:
- Doctor, I don't want to die! I want to live!
When a minute later ran sister syringes D. was dead.
It's hard for me to describe experiences subsequent days and nights. The autopsy showed that D. suffered severe heart disease that flowed hidden. If the diagnostic features of that time to recognize it was difficult, and it was impossible to assert that the patient was lost through the fault of the doctors.
But very, very hard to see how for some minutes the one with whom you talked, joked, who had some plans, hopes, future, unexpectedly have been deprived.
"No to war more terrible spectacle than the killed soldiers on the lips which still is Smoking a cigarette", wrote one of the doctors.
Have passed since then about thirty years, and D. and how he died before his eyes...
Death, death is forced to look different on life. "Memento mori!" - "remember you will die", an expression common to all collections of Latin sayings. When we remember about it? In cemeteries, funeral, grave diseases, when approaching old age.
And can be, really, no need to think about it? Reflections and thoughts of death that are offensive - a sign painful. But sometimes these Duma make it easier to cope with everyday troubles, set off their relative importance, give them a different, smaller scale.